Help Your Child Give with Joy This Christmas (Even When It's Hard)

I remember a particular conversation in the lead-up to last Christmas. A parent shared with me how their stomach had knotted at the thought of helping their eight-year-old choose a gift for their other parent. "It feels like I'm putting my heart through the wringer," they shared. "But then I saw my kid’s face light up when wrapping that coffee mug they'd chosen themselves, and I knew—this wasn't about me at all. That kid’s pure joy was worth it. That’s the kind of parent I want to be."

If you're facing your first Christmas as separated parents, helping your child pick out a gift for your co-parent might be the last thing you feel like doing. The mix of emotions can be overwhelming: worry about whether your effort will be reciprocated, uncertainty about what's appropriate, or perhaps even a deep sadness about how different things are this year.

But this moment isn't actually about your past relationship—or even where it’s at right now. Honestly, it’s got nothing to do with your ex—and everything to do with your gorgeous kid and you.

This is a chance to show them that love and kindness can flourish, even when family life looks different than before. Stay with me as we break down how to get through this delicate situation with grace, keeping your child's emotional well-being at the centre.

Your little one might come home excited about making Christmas crafts at school. Here's how to handle common situations:

Remember: Your child shouldn't feel responsible for managing your feelings about their gift-giving. Keep conversations light and focused on their excitement.

The teenage years can bring complex emotions about gift-giving. Some teens might want to choose thoughtful, personalised gifts, while others might feel reluctant or uncertain, especially if their relationship with their co-parent feels strained. Both reactions are completely normal.

If your teen is keen to give a gift:

Remember: Your role is to support your teen's emotional journey, not to force a particular outcome. Sometimes, taking small steps or even just having an open conversation about these feelings can be valuable for their long-term emotional well-being.

Although challenging, this situation also presents a unique opportunity to talk with our children about empathy and consideration. You might like to take a moment to reflect with your child: "What do you think makes a gift special to your other parent?"

You’ll have knowledge and insights that will help them here, too. You might help your children to think about:

Beyond helping with the current situation, these conversations model the valuable skill of considering others' perspectives and preferences.

This is also a perfect chance to discuss how your family's values can guide gift choices. For example:

Your child is part of two family cultures now. Take time to acknowledge and respect both:

This approach helps your child:

Let's be honest—sometimes this task feels impossible. Perhaps communication has broken down, or you're in the middle of difficult legal proceedings. That's okay. Here are some gentle ways forward:

This is your chance to build new traditions around giving. You might like to think about:

Your child is learning powerful lessons through this process:

It's normal to feel conflicted, go gently with yourself! Make sure you acknowledge and make room for all of the feelings that come up for you, and talk them through with a good friend who knows how to hold space for you.

Take delight in your child's excitement, and remember that both of you are building your emotional toolkit. Take pride in the moments where you are proud of the behaviour you're modelling, and forgive yourself graciously when you don't meet your own high standards. You are human, my lovely parent, and this is tricky and new.

Supporting your child's gift-giving might feel like a small act, but it's laying the groundwork for their emotional wellbeing. You're teaching them that love isn't diminished by separation—it just flows differently.

Every time you help your child express love freely, you're giving them a gift that lasts far beyond Christmas morning, creating ripples of positive change for your family's future.

Navigating these emotional moments during separation can feel overwhelming and many parents find themselves longing for more comprehensive support to bring ease and clarity to these trickier times.

If you are ready to: