Parenting Children Well Across Two Homes: What It Takes

Recently, I had the pleasure of being a guest on the Thriving Minds Podcast, hosted by Neuroscientist and Brain Health Advocate, Professor Selena Bartlett. Winner of the 2024 Women Changing the World Big Idea Award, Prof Bartlett has authored over 80 scientific papers and is an in-demand speaker on how adverse childhood experiences shape the brain and what can be done about it.

Our conversation highlights the importance of early intervention, maintaining healthy post-separation relationships, and the support systems available for families.

In this episode, you’ll hear us discuss:

In this interview, I emphasised the revolutionary importance of the co-parenting model we advocate at Co-Parenting Companion. Our goal is to simplify the process of raising children effectively within one family across two homes. The cheapest and most effective time to access support for this transition is at the point of separation, providing families with the support and strategies needed to navigate this new phase of their lives.

One of my main critiques of the traditional court system is its ineffectiveness in resolving co-parenting issues constructively. Families have previously come to me after enduring years of conflict, filled with hurt and anger, having spent thousands of dollars fighting each other in court. Instead of this adversarial approach, I advocate for early interventions and collaborative methods that focus on the best interests of the children.

A key point emphasised by Prof Bartlett from her expertise in neurodevelopment was the necessity of keeping children at the centre of all conversations surrounding separation. She raised the risks of children becoming pawns in revenge strategies and how that can be extremely damaging. We discussed how crucial it is to maintain a clear boundary between adult conflicts and the wellbeing of children.

I strongly recommend involving collaboratively trained professionals early in the separation process—lawyers, financial advisors, and experts in child development and human behaviour. These experts provide vital support to both parents and children ensuring a smoother transition and more positive outcomes.

We also explored the critical aspect of communication and conflict resolution skills in co-parenting. Engaging with a neutral coach or counsellor can help parents develop their new toolkit for successful co-parent communication and conflict management.

When it comes to breaking the news of separation to children, I suggest:

One of the most poignant parts of our discussion revolved around the importance of parents owning their mistakes. Children are highly perceptive and can sense when things are amiss. Honest accountability and sincere apologies can rebuild trust and model resilience and integrity for children.

We closed the podcast on a hopeful note, highlighting the possibilities and positive outcomes of collaborative co-parenting. This is my favourite part, sharing some of the success stories of the people within our co-parenting community! I firmly believe that making a healthy transition to a two-home family can be a Good News Story for all members of the family. I’ve witnessed this happen, repeatedly.

It was a deep honour to have this conversation with Professor Bartlett on her Thriving Minds Podcast. I hope you enjoy the episode - let me know what resonates most with you.