Suicide Awareness and Prevention in Separated Families

10th September marks World Suicide Prevention Day. Suicide is the leading cause of death among Australians aged 15 to 24, and that’s not something we can afford to look away from – especially when it comes to separated families. So, make yourself a nurturing beverage, and let’s gently unpack this together.

I wish I didn’t have to share this with you. I know this isn’t what you want to think about when it comes to your children or your family, but we need to understand what we’re up against. Acting early and preventatively could make all the difference.

For families experiencing separation – whether it’s the children now or adults who grew up in separated families – the risk is higher. While most of the research focuses on late adolescence and young adulthood, the message is clear: separation impacts mental health, and we need to be vigilant.

Here’s what we know:

When parents come to me and ask if their child’s talk of suicide is just a cry for attention, I always say the same thing: If a child is talking about ending their life, they are telling you something fundamental. Things aren’t okay, and they need your attention, warmth, and connection. This is not the time to shy away from the hard questions.

Be direct. Ask your child, “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” It might sound confronting, but children deflect from euphemisms. A direct question gets you a direct answer. If they say yes, they might be relieved you’ve asked. If not, they’ll usually quickly reassure you.

Another helpful question is, “Do you want to die, or do you just not want to live like this anymore?” Often, kids and teens are saying, “Make this stop. It hurts too much.” By asking this, you’re shifting the conversation from death to, “How do we stop life from feeling so awful?”

It is critical not to express anger at self-harm or suicidal thoughts, and to allow their emotions (and not ours) to be the biggest emotions in the room.

If your child isn’t expressing their thoughts outright, watch for these warning signs:

If you’re worried, the first step is to reach out. Contact their therapist if they have one, or book an appointment with your GP. Don’t hesitate to contact Lifeline (13 11 14) or Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) if you’re unsure. It’s always okay to call an ambulance or go to the Emergency Department if the risk feels immediate.

Thoughts of suicide and self-harm come in waves. Your role in a moment of crisis is to stay with them, keep them safe, and wait for the risk to pass. Once it does, you can move into problem-solving and prevention.

Though the risks are real, there are things families can do to protect their children. Shielding kids from conflict and fostering stability across both homes is a powerful protective factor. Strong family relationships marked by warmth and support also provide a crucial buffer against suicide risk.

Other protective measures include:

Having a therapist for your child can also make a world of difference, providing them with a safe space to process what’s happening in their lives.

Soberingly, suicide risk is higher for separated or divorced adults – particularly men. Divorced men are three times more likely to die by suicide than married men, and more than eight times more likely than divorced women.

If you or your co-parent is struggling, it’s crucial to take that seriously. You are not alone, and your children need you here. Reach out to a therapist or contact services like Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) or MensLine Australia (1300 78 99 78). In an emergency, call 000 or go to the hospital.

If you’re concerned about your co-parent’s mental health, reach out for support – either from your co-parenting coach or one of the resources listed above. If you’re on amicable terms with any of their family, it’s also worth checking in with them.

As hard as these conversations are, they matter. For your children, for you, and for your co-parent. Your children need you here, and all of us need your children to stay here. You were never meant to do this alone - and there are plenty of us who are willing to be part of your support crew, for as long as you need.