Surprising Lessons in Resilience and Self-Care for Co-Parents
I found this tree in our summer travels and wanted to share it with you. Truth is, Iām always captivated by trees that look like this. I canāt promise I wonāt share more.
Some of lifeās greatest beauty and richness are born out of unpredictability and adversity. It mightnāt look textbook, but check out the gorgeous nest of safety this tree has created as itās adapted to grow and thrive. When my boys were little, they would've built a cubby in there!
This tree hasnāt wasted time giving f*cks about what a good, conventional tree is supposed to look like. It hasnāt taken time to ponder whether the wind will ever stop so that it can grow straight like it dreamt about as a seedling. Itās just got on with being flexible, adapting, and being damned gorgeous no matter what.
There is one key thing it had to do, though
To counterbalance the immense pressure it's under, this tree had to cultivate strong, deep roots. It has taken the time to dig down to find rich nutrients to keep it sustained whilst it withstands the most relentless wind.
What a symbol of resilience, hey?
I had a conversation with a parent recently, like countless others Iāve had before. They shared with me how exhausted they were, and how much they knew they needed help - that if they actually just invested in themselves, all the other issues, particularly the complex ones around their kids, would be So Much Easier to manage.
āI know what needs to be done,ā they said, āIām the centre. Iām the one who has to change.ā
I knew the ābutā was coming.
āItās just that money is so tight right now, and I literally canāt afford the services I need.ā
Oomf, there it is.
Theyāre not wrong, letās be clear. The economy is tough right now, the cost of living is skyrocketing. But it was time to call bullsh*t.
Because hereās the thing: that parent has always found a way to meet their kid's complex needs and a truck tonne of their wants - no matter the cost. One way or another, this parent resiliently and resourcefully finds a way to make sure their kids get the very best education, health care and resources to thrive.
They are a seriously awesome and inspiring parent.
They just donāt do it for themselves.
They consistently fall to the bottom of the pack. When resources are tight, their needs are the first sacrifice.
Sound familiar?
Of course it does. There are times thatās been my story too.
Itās a lie that costs each of us thousands.
You are the best damned resource your kids have. You are the centre of their world. Youāre the best person to teach them resilience, the greatest one to soothe their tears, the most wise and knowledgeable and if you are running on empty? You canāt do it.
You canāt get away from being human.
Your energy, your emotional reserves, your time - these are not infinite.
So hereās my challenge - my invitation - to you.
Give yourself permission to dig your roots deep and find your nutrients. Permit yourself to take the time to stretch to the most fertile ground. Invite yourself to spend money on yourself, knowing that in doing so, you are making the best cost savings possible - strengthening your awesomeness, so that you can be the parent you most care to be, providing that safe place for your children to grow in, just like my gorgeous tree.
Isnāt that sneaky?! If you put yourself first, you are actually still putting the kids first anyway. Youāre just doing it in a better way.
At least, thatās my opinion.
Want to help your kids feel safe and supported after separation? I created a free guide to walk you through the first eight weeks. Grab your copy here.
Looking for more tools to protect your peace while co-parenting? Doors are open for our next Co-Parenting Intensive Reset!
- Feel calm and in control
- Cut yourself out of the conflict
- Use strategies that actually work (with or without your co-parent)
Tiffany Rochester
Co-Parenting Coach
Tiffany is a pioneering force in transforming family life after separation, taking the stress and turmoil out of co-parenting with an ex. Equipped with advanced degrees in Psychology and twenty years of dedicated service, she passionately supports separated parents to bring ease and simplicity into raising children in one family across two homes.
Co-Parenting Companion respectfully acknowledges the Traditional Owners of this land, the Whadjuk people of the Noongar Nation. We pay respect to Elders past and present. We recognise Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the first inhabitants of this land. They never gave up sovereignty and remain strong in their connection to place and culture.
Co-Parenting Companion provides a safe and affirming space for people of all cultures, genders, sexualities and neurotypes.
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