There's a Better Way to Separate: Why Early Support Changes Everything
The pit in your stomach when you decide to separate is real. Your mind races with questions about your kids' future, while everywhere you look, there's another horror story about court battles and bitter disputes.
I recently sat down with Caitlin Belle, Podcast host of Healers with Hustle, to talk about something that matters deeply to me - showing parents there's a different path through separation. One that keeps kids at the heart of every decision and families far away from courtrooms. If you're looking for a better way forward than the traditional legal route, this conversation is for you.
Having worked in this space for over two decades (don’t look for the greys), I can tell you that pretty much every parent I meet wants to do the right thing by their kids. But as I shared with Caitlin:
“In the context of separating, there's generally a huge amount of… grief, anger, betrayal, frustration, sadness, guilt, shame. And we've got a relationship that was not intended to break down that has broken down... To ask those people by themselves to automatically know what is in the best interests [of the kids] and agree… It's just asking way too much. It's just so terribly unfair for them to try and do that by themselves.”
Here's the problem. Most people think they have two options when separating: fight it out with lawyers or accept unsatisfactory agreements you’ve tried to reach together around a table, where neither of you really knows what’s fair or best - because when you’re separating into two homes, you’re not supposed to be an expert at it.
“There's nothing that revolutionary, I think, in the way that I would talk about approaching things with families. It's using compassion and care and kindness and communicating clearly and holding assertive boundaries. But it's not the native language of many of the lawyers and many of the other parts of the system… These families are in high crisis, hugely vulnerable - there just wasn't anywhere for them to go. So it felt like I wasn't doing something outrageously outside of the norm. And yet, It was.”
Getting the right help in those first few weeks can make all the difference. In my experience, when parents get to speak with a developmental specialist in those early days, around the time they are deciding to tell the children, values-aligned decisions are made easily.
“Both people are generally so open to hearing why each other is thinking that pathway X or Y or Z is in the children's best interest. [They’re willing to take] advice from someone like me who sits back as a neutral expert in child development. At that point, people are very flexible and able to work things out together.”
Wait too long though, and everything shifts:
“If we get in three or four or five years later, and there hasn't been that process and instead there's been lawyers letters fighting for positions, then that perspective is gone and that willingness to flex up is much harder to find.”
Want to know what excites me most? Watching parents skip the drama entirely:
“We track people who go through the program or our membership. We have data of them cancelling mediation, getting agreements that they thought would need lawyer's letters, sitting down and having conversations with their co-parent. Even though their co-parent has never come near our stuff, the person who has is doing enough to keep their co-parent’s defences down and bring them back to the table.”
During our chat, I opened up about why I'm so passionate about helping parents find a different path - one that puts children first and keeps families out of court. As I explained to Caitlin:
“When families are separating, the finances are split. It’s scary. And the process is lonely…. If we want to really serve these families well, we need to… get in early and affordably. We need to connect them to a community of people who are doing the hard yards, stepping through with collaboration and kindness and really centered around the best interests of the children and the family.”
Pop in your earbuds and listen to our chat. We dig into:
- Why starting with child development (not lawyers) is the shortcut to a smooth transition
- How our collaborative approach helps parents make decisions they both feel good about
- The real reasons many separating parents struggle to communicate
- Practical ways to create positive change in your co-parenting relationship, even if your co-parent isn't on board
Hit play to hear the full story and learn how to write a different kind of separation story for your family.
Want to help your kids feel safe and supported after separation? I created a free guide to walk you through the first eight weeks. Grab your copy here.
Looking for more tools to protect your peace while co-parenting? Join the waitlist for our next Co-Parenting Intensive Reset
- Feel calm and in control
- Cut yourself out of the conflict
- Use strategies that actually work (with or without your co-parent)
Tiffany Rochester
Co-Parenting Coach
Tiffany is a pioneering force in transforming family life after separation, taking the stress and turmoil out of co-parenting with an ex. Equipped with advanced degrees in Psychology and twenty years of dedicated service, she passionately supports separated parents to bring ease and simplicity into raising children in one family across two homes.
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