Choosing Collaborative Separation: A Healthier Approach to Divorce and Separation
Worried about the stress of legal battles during your separation? There’s a way to part peacefully, without stepping into a courtroom. This is called collaborative separation, and it’s a process built on respect, teamwork, and practical solutions.
What is Collaborative Separation?
Collaborative separation helps couples separate in a way that’s calm and fair. Instead of arguing in mediation or court or letting lawyers handle everything, you and your former partner work together, with the help of a team. You’ll get the support of professionals, like lawyers and coaches, who will help you reach agreements on things like parenting, finances, and property.
Who Is on the Team?
In a collaborative separation, you’re supported by a team of professionals, each playing a key role in helping you and your former partner reach an agreement that works for everyone. The team is flexibly built, according to the needs of your family.
Here’s a brief look at who may be a part of your team:
- Your Collaborative Coach: The Collaborative Coach, often with a background in psychology or social work, will facilitate the process, helping to manage emotions, keep conversations productive, and ensure that everyone feels heard. Their role is crucial in maintaining a respectful and focused environment.
- Your Financial Neutral: A financial expert works with both of you to provide a clear picture of your financial situation. The Financial Neutral is impartial and helps you understand your options, whether it’s dividing assets, handling debts, or planning for future financial security. Their goal is to ensure that financial decisions are fair and informed.
- Your Lawyers: Both you and your former partner may have your own lawyer. While your lawyer advocates for you, their role is also to work collaboratively with the other lawyer to find solutions that benefit the whole family. They will guide you through the legal aspects of the separation and ensure your rights are protected, without turning the process into a battle.
Together, this team provides the support, expertise, and guidance you need to navigate your separation thoughtfully and constructively.
How Does the Team Come Together?
Collaborations are most successful when the team members—your coach, lawyers, and financial experts—know each other well and have experience working together. This familiarity helps keep the process smooth and ensures that everyone is aligned in supporting your family’s long-term goals.
The first step in a collaborative separation is reaching out to a potential Collaborative Coach to guide you through the process. The Coach will help you assess if collaboration is the right fit for your situation and work with you to build the right team—lawyers, financial experts, and any other professionals you may need.
The Coach will make recommendations about how the team can best support you. This may include some meetings with the whole team and some meetings with parts of the team. We are focused on helping you reach your goals with efficiency.
Having a cohesive, trusted team makes all the difference in the success of your collaboration. By starting with the Coach, we can ensure that both you and your former partner feel supported and ready to work together from the start. If either of you goes to a lawyer first, it can sometimes make it harder to get both parties to the same table. That’s why the best first contact is the Collaborative Coach, who will help you navigate these early decisions and build the right team for success.
What Happens Next?
- Transparency of Process: Your Coach will provide you with an estimate of costs and take you through the Participation Agreement that outlines how you and your team will work together. They will arrange introductions between yourselves and the other professionals in your team.
- You Promise Not to Go to Court: Both of you agree from the start not to take the matter to court or any other adversarial process. This shared commitment sets the tone for a constructive process where you’ll work together, with your team’s guidance, to find solutions that work for both of you.
- Meetings to Find Solutions: During structured meetings, your Collaborative Coach will lead discussions, ensuring that conversations remain respectful and productive. With your financial expert and lawyers by your side, you’ll work through important issues like property, finances, and parenting.
- You’ll Work as a Team: Unlike traditional mediation, where each person’s lawyer advocates separately and the mediator stays neutral, the collaborative process brings everyone—lawyers, the Financial Neutral, and the Coach—to the same table. Your lawyers collaborate with each other and the rest of the team to help you reach a fair agreement. This approach creates a cooperative environment focused on the family as a whole.
- A Plan That Works for You: Every separation is different, so the process is flexible. You and your former partner will be supported to make decisions together, ensuring that no one else makes them for you. This gives you the control to shape a solution that works best for both of you.
How Much Does Collaborative Separation Cost?
The average cost of separation for families in Australia is $21,000 per person. Let’s look at how different options compare, and where Collaborative Separation fits.
- Kitchen Table Negotiations: Former partners wanting to stay amicable and out of legal battles often try to find a solution on their own. On the surface, this can seem like the lowest-cost or even "free" option, but when it fails, it often leads to higher conflict and increased costs. These agreements often overlook important legal, financial, or developmental factors, making this a risky choice without professional guidance.
- Mediation (incl. Lawyer-Assisted Mediation): Mediation can cost between AUD $3,000 - $10,000 per person. While it’s a step up from kitchen-table negotiations, mediation often focuses on reaching a quick agreement rather than a long-term solution that benefits both parties. Whether or not lawyers are involved, both parties must obtain separate financial advice and documentation, which effectively doubles the process—and the cost—compared to the Financial Neutral in a Collaborative Separation. Additionally, mediators are not typically experts in child development, meaning parents are left to make complex decisions about children moving to two homes without an expert’s input.
- Collaborative Separation: Collaborative separation typically costs between AUD $5,000 - $15,000 per person. Within that range, every aspect—legal, financial, and emotional—is carefully considered, with your family’s long-term well-being in mind. You also have the benefit of working with a team who know each other well and are committed to your success.
- Court (Litigation): Going to court is the most expensive option, often costing AUD $50,000 - $100,000+ per person. The court process is lengthy, stressful, and places decisions in the hands of a magistrate or judge, leaving you with little control over the outcome.
Collaborative separation strikes a balance between cost and quality, giving you the best chance at a peaceful, sustainable outcome for your family.
Why Choose A Collaborative Separation?
- A Better Way to Plan for the Future: Unlike mediation, which often focuses on simply reaching an agreement or settlement, a collaborative separation goes deeper. The collaborative team is dedicated to creating solutions that are healthy and sustainable for the long-term success of your two-home family. Instead of just resolving issues quickly, we focus on what will truly support your family's well-being and help you navigate the future with confidence.
- Faster Than Court and Legal Battles: Going through the Family Court system can take years. With structured meetings and a clear commitment to cooperation, collaborative separation often resolves matters in months, not years, allowing you to move forward sooner.
- Less Stress: With a full team commitment not to go to court, you’ll feel less stressed and can focus on creating a peaceful solution that works for both of you.
- You’re in Control: Unlike in court or some mediations, you and your former partner have full control over the outcome. No one else decides your future for you.
- Private and Respectful: Collaborative separation keeps personal matters confidential and ensures a process that protects the dignity of all involved.
- It Protects Relationships: Whether or not you have kids, the collaborative process helps you keep a respectful relationship with your former partner by reducing conflict and keeping communication constructive.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If you’re ready to explore a respectful, cooperative way to separate, please contact us to discuss suitability and book your initial consultation.
Together, we’ll build the team you need and create a plan that works for you and your family in the long term. And if collaboration isn’t the right fit, no worries—I’ll help guide you toward other options or recommend a coach who is better suited to your situation. I am committed to your family having the right pathway for your long-term success.
Tiffany Rochester
Co-Parenting Coach
Tiffany is a pioneering force in transforming family life after separation, taking the stress and turmoil out of co-parenting with an ex. Equipped with advanced degrees in Psychology and twenty years of dedicated service, she passionately supports separated parents to bring ease and simplicity into raising children in one family across two homes.
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