When Christmas Traditions Meet Co-Parenting: What Your Children Need You to Know
The year my son burst into tears over moving the Christmas tree to a different corner of the room, it brought home just how much the smallest traditions mean to our children.
It’s not secret that kids can cling to familiar rituals. For me, serving Christmas breakfast is my favourite part of the day. One year, I casually suggested we could put something new on the menu. You'd think I'd proposed cancelling Christmas altogether! My children's horrified faces said it all – they wanted those same croissants we'd had every single year, served on those exact plates, after the cooked breakfast, and before the fruit platter.
But the next year, we knew one of them was a coeliac - and the breakfast croissants had to change whether they were ready or not.
Kids are, by and large, resilient and flexible. But they can also be profoundly nostalgic and love traditions. And you are walking a pathway that means it’s time for the creation of new traditions and stories. When you may be ready to throw out the old and move on with the new, it's vital to listen to your children’s small voices, as all they've ever known keeps changing around them.
Those Little Things That Matter
Children notice everything! When your whole world feels wobbly, familiar routines become our anchors. It's often the smallest rituals that hold the most meaning. Maybe it's the way you all laughed when someone inevitably struggled with untangling the fairy lights. In my home, my teenagers still insist that we set up our old Playmobil Nativity scene, long after I thought we would’ve donated it to the op-shop. These are the threads that weave the tapestry of childhood memories.
Getting Through Together
While children can handle change beautifully, they need time and understanding. Ask your children about what's special to them about the way your family does Christmas. Their answers might surprise you, and will certainly help you know where to focus your attention.
Making New Memories
As family dynamics evolve, so too can your traditions. This doesn't mean discarding the old but rather building upon them. I love hearing how families create new traditions. In our home, we add a new ornament to the tree each year as a reflection of a key family moment from the past 12 months. One set of parents I worked with started an annual "weird ornament" contest – their tree now sports everything from a disco-dancing penguin to a sparkly pickle. Another family started a movie marathon tradition, with each family member choosing their favourite festive film. Some of the most successful transitions I've seen happen when parents let their children take the lead in creating new traditions. Their involvement not only makes them feel valued but also helps them in processing the changes in their family life.
Here's what works for many families I support:
- Start holiday planning conversations with your co-parent early
- Listen when your children talk about past Christmases
- Consider maintaining key traditions in both homes where possible
- Allow new traditions to develop naturally
Moving Forward
Through years of supporting separated families, I can confirm this for sure: there is no perfect way to handle holidays after separation. Some traditions will change. Others will stay exactly the same. And somewhere in between, families find new rhythms that work for everyone. Each step you take in creating new traditions and honouring old ones is a step towards healing and growth for your family. This is how we craft a legacy of resilience and love.
Need support figuring out your family's holiday approach? As a co-parenting coach, I've helped many parents navigate this transition successfully. Our supportive community includes families who have found beautiful ways to preserve holiday magic across two homes.
Starting your co-parenting journey? Take your first steps with confidence using our free guide, The First 8 Weeks: Your Roadmap to Peaceful Co-Parenting.
Ready to bring calm to your co-parenting experience? DOORS ARE NOW OPEN for our Co-Parenting Intensive Reset. - your path from chaos to confidence in just five weeks. You can create positive change, even if your co-parent isn't on board yet (or honestly, ever).
Building a peaceful two-home family is possible, and you don't have to figure it out alone. We start March 4 (Doors Close Feb 25). Choose a better way to co-parent TODAY.
Tiffany Rochester
Co-Parenting Coach
Tiffany is a pioneering force in transforming family life after separation, taking the stress and turmoil out of co-parenting with an ex. Equipped with advanced degrees in Psychology and twenty years of dedicated service, she passionately supports separated parents to bring ease and simplicity into raising children in one family across two homes.
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